Daniel (née Mallory) Ortberg <3 :

There’s something truly wonderful about referring to a procedure as specific as a bilateral mastectomy with a term as blandly ominous as top surgery.

Is it serious, doc? “Yeah, son. I’m afraid there’s nothing to do but schedule you for top surgery.”

What parts of me will be affected, doc? “The top.”

What are you gonna do to the top of me? “Surgery. We’re going in and we’re gonna have to Surger your Top.”

“Just get rid of the whole thing, doctor,” I imagined myself saying generously, swinging my legs from the examination table. “Take the whole top off. I want my neighbors to have a clear view to the sea. Give it away to the deserving poor, who may have no top to speak of. I’ll get by just fine with a bottom and a middle. No top for me — I’ll get by.”

Daniel Ortberg: Top surgery was the best $6,250 I ever spent – Vox